resolutions.

. stop complaining.
. never leave a book mid-chapter.
. be honest with people.
. use sarcasm sparingly.
. do the reading.
. eat better.
. do unto others...
. create.
. spoon more.
. stop lying.
. no more sympathy seeking.
. keep a log of things learnt.
. ask or you'll never get/know.

My...

procrastination has hit a new, highly terrifying new level of laziness. today i bought 6 blank cds and a sharpie marker, and penned that down as a successful day. i watched three documentaries (that i thoroughly enjoyed) and counted that as research, again time well spent, neglecting and overlooking the salient fact that 9/11, crazy friends of the bears and british home front propoganda have no bearing on my immediate future. i've given up bread in an attempt to lose this weight, and today i created the breadless sandwich (a remarkably simple invention) again i chalkled this up to both productivity and progress, which a big hunk of meat should simply not be called. i walked a dog and spoke seth afrikane to it and credited that as rehearsal. i sent an email to a friend advising her on music she should enjoy, again i called that doing valuable exercise. and in about 20 minutes i'll go and watch the simpsons and call that "needed relaxation".

i have things i need to do. very important things. gadzooks.

One of the Nicest Things I've Ever Seen.

it happened a while ago and has taken me a while to put this down anywhere. the nicest thing i have ever seen occured at the London Film & Comic Con in London this July. i was wandering around some of the many illustrious and splendiferous stands they had, offering a great and grand selection of geek merchandise and collectibles. i was already in pretty high spirits as i had purchased a Lost Swan Station slice of memorabilia. but then something lovely happened.

a couple wandered past. a splendid geek couple. the kind you don't see enough of nowadays. that already was wonderful. geek girl was looking at this really cool signed tom savini dawn of the dead photo book, she was chatting to the vendor about how much she liked dawn and so forth. she enquired as to it's price, the vendor reluctantly informed her it was £30, steep but probably fairly valued. dejectadely she put it down with an apologetic shrug and moved on to peruse things more attune to her price range. while she was looking at some trading cards, her boyfriend, who had been overhearing the dawn conversation, subtly approached the vendor and purcahsed the dawn photo book. he set aside the £30 and was awarded a paper bag in which to contain his prize. (the last one the vendor knew of in existence!) he tapped his geek girl on the shoulder and she turned around, he presented her with the spoils of his effort. she looked so pleased, like a little kid at christmas pleased, it was wonderful. they hugged, kissed and many well deserved thanks were exchanged. (and more thanks later, i hope. wink wink) it was one of the nicest things i've ever seen. and shortly after that i met a storm trooper, r2d2 and a dharma worker. it was magical. just magical.

Cinematic (on) YouTube Oddities

one aim in my life is to watch all 1001 movies you must see before you die that i have listed in the "1001 movies you must see before you die" book i got one christmas. what with me being a film geek and all that.
however, a lot of the films in't, especially ones made pre 1950's are hard to find, when you do see them on dvd, my god, the prices are quite literally extorniate and when you see a rare gem in a charity shop it is a million to one chance diamond in the rough. which is annoying. so i was tabbing off the films that were widely available/popular, or the ones that were expensive but that i knew were worth the investment. occassionaly scoping out an utter classic for a fraction of the price (2 Disc Metropolis for £12, yes please!) and watching splendiferous films at mere peanuts and with a smashing mid-80's feel (say anything and breakfast club) whilst all the time tabbing off more and more films as i went along. PROGRESS. it was about at this point that i realised that the library at University had a DVD section. a section for films, which i could borrow for free. this was good news. most good news. most good news indeed. so as a result i found more and more classic films, oldies, goldies, newbies, rubies. the whole she-bang. i was tabbing off more and more films. (i am still unsure of how many of the great 1001 i have tabbed off, buuutttt....)

however, when at home, the library in Harrogate, a: charges. and b. isn't as expansive DVD wise. i hit a wall, having to plum solely for films that i found cheap in HMV and various charity shops. but then, in a similar vein to the library discovery, i found out that the answer was at my fingertips the whole time - YouTube.


tada!

i would never have guessed, that the engine i used solely for music videos, funny clips of cats and meme spectacularities, would help me in my 1001 film choosing choosage. but it did. YouTube has some utterly splendid users who load up films, entire films, especially older ones, because the copyright is all but non existent, entire films from the 20's, 30's and onwards can be found there. i began immediately watching le voyage dans la lune, korkarlen, stachka, greed, the unkwnown, un chien andalou, dracula, freaks, a night at the opera and i walked with a zombie to name but a few.

i was pleased.

these films appear in sections, part one, part two and so on. and having observed so many of these old cinematic marvels on new viewing technology i began to notice something slightly peculiar - the view counter. you'd assume that if someone was watching a film the view counter on every single part of the film would be the same. it only seems to make sense that any sane movie viewer would watch part one and then part two and then part three and then part four and so on and so on. but it seems this is not the case.

this:



is 'Stachka' Part 3 of 9.it has been viewed 694 times (all numerical quantities correct at time of printing) however the parts that book end it, 2 and 4, have been viewed 895 and 927 times respectivally. is it just me that is confused by this. who out there is going around picking and choosing what parts of a film they watch. and what are the basis' for not choosing to watch a certain part? why is part 3 so offensive to a person, why has part three been ignored by nearlly 200 odd people (presumably) who watched 2 and 4. obviously i'm jumping to conclusions here, perhaps the best way to get the sense of a film is to only watch the odd numbered parts of it. maybe i am the only one who sits down and watches a film chronologically.

the lowest number of views of this particular film is part 8, with 677 views. so that means that (i hope it means that...) 677 YouTube users have seen Stachka. whereas a further god knows how many have decided to pick and choose between what sections of this Sergei M. classic they saw.

please, i implore you, watch classic films, educate yourself in the ways of how good cinema used to be, the passion, the intensity and the (sometimes unintentional) political implications of silent movies and classic films. but watch the whole thing.

Disappointed by [ Rec]

Recently for reasons unbeknownst to myself i had an urge to watch a really scary horror film. deciding to spread forth my wings from my own collection of frightners i decided to buy a horror film. in HMV my eyes set upon '[Rec]' a film i had heard good things of and read good reviews and the case itself promised delights unknown to quench my aforementioned desire. "A Short, Swift Terrifying Ride." empire. "The Scariest Film Ever." Billy Chainsaw, Bizarre. Two Five Star Ratings and Four Four Stars. encouraging, no? so i forked over the relevant money and went on my merry way.

this fair evening after watching 'say anything' decided that it was a suitable time to bust out the swift terrifying ride. i was incredibly ready to be scared shitless. but after 75 minutes (approx) i was left dissatisfied. and i can't for the life of me work out why, i wanted to like it, i was fully preapred to sleep with the lights on and mentally adjusting myself to the fact that i'd be having some creepy dreams. now where did it go wrong?

the menu for a start was full of spoilers for the shocks that were about to unfold. the spooky zombie like creatures were on full display in the menus and when you selected 'play movie' it flashed up a segment of the film that later on ruined what could've potentially been a quite frightening moment. but because of the spoiler i saw it coming. (but when in horror films the lights go out and someone explores a space unaware of what is inside, it is an ineviatablity that something will pop out) Now this Ghoul thing brings me on nicely to another point. the ghouls weren't scary, they were a bizarre amalgamation of all things popular in 20th century horror. some wizened J-Horror influence, guttural growling and bloodthirsty scampering of modern day, poorly reenvisioned zombies. so when there were shocking moments of ghoul revealing i was left let down. not scared.

also as the blair witch project taught me, hand held horror is rarely scary. (hand held sci-fi (cloverfield) c'est bon) it's irksome. the sheer idea that it is set up in such a way causes you to pre empt the scary moments, the audience are continually and hurridely molly coddled along from staged 'real-life' shock to staged 'real-life' shock. the moments that had frightening potential were either shaky or altogether glossed over. now i don't want gratuitous gorno splatter and i, more than most, am a massive fan of understated suspensful 'less is more' olden days horror but i found myself unscared by the antics on screen, purley because they were set up in a way that made me forsee the shocking conclusions. perhaps this is more of a reflection of how i view horror films and on that note i must point out that [Rec] is a very well crafted film, playing to it's strengths and with an excellent use of sound distortion and lighting.

as for the covers claim that i'd 'Experience Fear' i did not. it's a hard film to give a rating to however, because if it was simply a case of 'was i scared?' it'd score poorly, on the other hand if it was a case of 'was it a well put together film and yadda yadda indie award winning words blether?' who knows? i may re-watch it at a later date when i'm not expecting horror, maybe i'll pretend i'm going watch camberwick green and slip in [Rec] instead.



not best pleased. continuing the trend of 'ticked off kids' in horror.

these people are stopping me doing what i think is right for me.

i say 'stoppin' what i mean is 'i'm using as an excuse.
















Tomika: They'll laugh at me.
Dewey Finn: What? Why would they laugh at you?
Tomika: I dunno... because I'm fat.
Dewey Finn: Tomika... Ok, you've heard of Aretha Franklin right? She's a big lady. But when she sings, she blows people's minds! Everyone wants to party with Aretha! And, you know who else has a weight problem?
Tomika: Who?
Dewey Finn: Me. But when I get up there and start doing my thing, people worship me! Because I'm sexy, and chubby, man.
Tomika: Why don't you go on a diet?
Dewey Finn: Because I like to eat! Is that such a crime?

i'm a geek. a geek that gets distracted. [i s and of with]

He, Jeremy Bentham, [i]s Our You Because the Leader is Dead. The Little Prince Like[s] it Hoth! Whatever you left is The Incident. Death and Death Follow The Lie. This Place of Namaste, the Variable, [and] The Life [of] Lafleur Happened with Jughead, Happened [with] Some 316 Dead.

Curiosity killed the Smoliver.

i am, by my very nature, a very curious person. it's like the age old fact of life that if someone says "don't think of a black cat" you will instantly think of a black cat. same by if someone says "don't look at this, it's awful" you will look.

this happened to me recently. it was awful. and i regret it, to this very day. i was in the library and someone had left their laptop on. and the interent connected. so rather than focus on my work i choose to watch some videos on youtube. as you do. a good friend of mine suggested to me some videos. they were funny, i enjoyed them. i'm not gonna lie i lol'ed. also listenend to some classic tunes. (alexisonfire - young cardinals. treat your ears.) and then he said "oh. when she gets back, put jarsquatter on..." naturally i asked what it was, he said "you don't want to know. it's awful"

i was going to put it on, but a library is a decent place and whilst it is ok from time to time to speak loudly it is most definetly not ok to put things on other folks computers that have been actively described as "awful". so i didn't, i revised. or tried to.

that evening. i had a few drinks and got a leetle bit tipsy. came home and looged on to the old firefox. curiosity kicked in. what was this video, what did it entail? i though "whats the worse thing that could happen?" so in my drunken curious state, i watched it. ye gads. it is truly awful. truly awful. when i closed my eyes, i saw it in my mind's eye. harrowing.

now another thing has been mentioned to me, the pain olympics, i'm not going to lie.
curiosity is kicking in...

i just don't want to feel ill again. i get that enough when i go into our shower...

it's a good thing i'm only drinking relentless. at the moment.

picnic table bear.

this is a picnic table bear.

BJL. a status adventure.

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver is utterly fascinated by the man sitting opposite him in the library.Sun 19:37

Robert Frank Stead likes this.

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver is disappointed. the man sitting opposite him now is boring and completely un-fascinating.Mon 0:48

Bill King at 01:09 on 11 May
You sitting opposite a mirror? BOOOOOM! You just got Sunday schooled!

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver is terrified. the girl opposite him in the library has mad eyes.Mon 18:26

Alys Peacock at 00:57 on 12 May
god sam, stop stalking everyone in your library and do some work!! :). x

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver is perplexed. mad eyes girl has a man friend who seems intent on "taking her" in the library.Mon 19:17

Teresa Passmore at 19:27 on 11 May
hahahahah.
stop stalking people that happen to be in the library and make some real friends!
get on with your work BOZO!!
xxx

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver has rid himself of the McShakes and is back to People Watching in the Library. I suspect the two girls opposite me of harbouring an unspoken loathing for one another. Mon 01:07

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver - a free Lucozade bottle. a lovely looking chap in a "Killers" t-shirt and two jocks rating girls on facebook. another fun evening in the library. 18:12

Fiona Darling at 18:16 on 12 May
i love your life.

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver - lucozade bottle working out fantastically. jocks still rating people on facebook however the "lovely" chap in the "Killers" t-shirt is a knob, he pushed past this lady and said "F**k you." to her. the library is a lie. 18:19

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver seems to be sitting opposite a jock's "let's do work" convention. obviously by "do work" i mean girl rating on facebook. madness. the 4th floor has let me down.19:30

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver is concerned that the computer next to him has gone all "Mary Celeste" is an invisible man working next to me? also i am now concerned that my people watching may be coming full circle. how do i know no one is watching my every move. 20:32pm. paranoia has set in.20:32

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver is now convinced that someone is writing about him. also it appears that the girl opposite him is either a sufferer of split personality disorder or is having a religious experience. 00:26am. it's getting weird.00:27

Samuel Lannacombe Oliver - my lucozade bottle is making me ill. it's like a ghost town in here. i can't feel my left foot. the people around me are making noise fit for an army. i keep getting blurry vision. i have to be up soon. and i can't finish my script (despite having passed the 20,000 words mark). 01:24am. we have just lost cabin pressure.2 minutes ago

A Horrendous Faux Pas

It was pointed out to me the other day. that it definetly should be:

run like YOU'RE not in a coma

YOU'RE not YOUR.

Fool..

Season 5 of The Greatest TV show ever.

LOST. so far season five has brought us three terrific episodes. each better and more gloriously mindblowing than the last. because you left, the lie and jughead. oceanic 6, hurley and desmond centric episodes respectivally. but in my opinion none of these characters have proved to be the most interesting in this oh so glorious penultimate season of Lost. Mr. Daniel Faraday. fuck doctor who, this guy is the REAL time lord, with an understanding of everything from hydrogen bombs to wooing firey red heads. he is definetly some kind of super amazing jedi. either way from infiltrating the orchid to confessing his long assumed love for charlotte he has been a splendid character. and he always wears that tie. classic.

ah, not since arzt and the mercenaries attack have we seen such a glorious red shirt moment than when the long elusive frogurt turned up, complained and was promptly fire arrowed in the chest, splendid. there goes all those guys who thought he was jacob...d'oh.

Ms. Hawking is Faraday's Mum. and i reckon Ellie, who faraday said looked "familiar" is that very Ms. Hawking. also something we have expected to be true for quite some time has finally been confirmed. CHARLES WIDMORE WAS ON THE ISLAND. moohaahaa. epic. i loved that "thing he can knows this island better than me moment." oh you do not know the power of the JOHN LOCKE.

Desmond and Penny called their son Charlie.cutest thing i've ever heard. i loved how it was such a throw away line as well. nothing major was made of it, just slipped in. beautiful.

ben's task seems to be getting harder and harder, what with a murderous sun, a running kate and an arrested hurley. should be quite the task getting them all back to the island. jack seems keen though even going so far as to shave off that mammoth mo fo of a beard. pimpin'.

and mega hahaha at "why is there a dead pakistani on my sofa?!?" classic, i love hurley's mum, she seems really cool. totally at ease with the whole murder, arrest, avenge and crazy island story. i personally was very impressed with how quickly hurley was able to consice 108 days of mental island ness. impressive. took me like 2 hours to explain it to some friends. :-S

i love my shih tzu. also it makes me feel very very l33t when i notice proper lost fan easter egg stuff. like the "I love my wire haired" t shirt is a picture of jack bender's dog. cool or what.

i do feel as well that things are starting to get more sensical. i knew eventually it'd happen, but it seems to me that the writers now have a very specific path ahead of them, which as a lost fanatic fills me with encouragement. phew.

also as much as she's annoyed me, i hope charlotte doesn't do a minkowski on us.i mean she makes faraday so happy and a happy faraday is a happy me. nuke on the island. i'm thinking swan or tempest station.

in the picture, check how chilled faraday looks. i think he's jacob, he knows shit.

Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangster.

i really like "Office Space" i think it has the possibility of being one of those films that i continually rewatch. also it's use of hip hop makes me feel far cooler than i actually am. damn it feels good to be a gangster.

ahahaha. just found this, quite possibly one of my favourite things ever. goddamn he is a lucky gentleman.

Joe Oliver's Top Ten Grrrraphic Novels.

here is my brother, joe oliver's, top five graphic novels in no particular order.

he's gone off (16:15) to have a think, in order for him to be able to accurately compile his list.

my predictions are hellboy, v for vendetta, bone, the dark knight returns and, erm, the walking dead. oh and watchmen. possibly. we'll see how right, or wrong i am, soon. not that there will be any time difference as i'll just not post it until he's given me the full list, so y'know you have to imagine a process of time passing.

"these strange explosions hit me like a fist of light."

so, here goes i think...

hold on...

seeing as how i've now made him do them in a specific order it has buffed up to a ten. a top ten list..which is here. with a joint top one.

10 - "Ghost World" by Daniel Clowes.
09 - "Billy The Kid - a Lucky Luke Adventure" by Maurice & Goscinny.
08 - "Fluffy" by Simone Lia.
07 - "HellBoy Volume 1. The Library Collection" by Mike Mignola.
06 - "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Volume 2" by Alan Moore.
05 - "The Walking Dead. Days Gone By. Volume 1" by Robert Kirkman and Tom Moore.
04 - "Watchmen" by Alan Moore.
03 - "The Dark Knight Returns" by Frank Miller.

and Joint Number 01.

"Bone" by Jeff Smith & "V for Vendetta" by Alan Moore.

so, theres that then.

a nervous tic motion of the head to the left. - andrew bird.

like Rufus Wainwright meets City and Colour Divided By Awesome times by supreme talent.

found this made me laugh - thnks fr th mmrs.

Thank You to William Thomas King! If He Hadn't Chosen To Do English, I Would Be Buried In A Shallow Grave In Allen's Garden.

Also Much Love To Orhan Insalent Graham Velic. His Anger, Violence, Laughter and skiving amused me Greatly, i shall miss those lessons.

:)

No One Else Will Find This Funny But Who Cares...

"I AM KENNETH BRANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!"

DRAWING FACES ON RUBBERS AND BOUNCING THEM ACROSS THE FLOOR. CALLING ORHAN 'GRAHAM' AND LAUGHING ABOUT IT FOR HOURS. TALKING IN STUPID CORNISH ACCENTS. PRETENDING TO READ BUT REALLY BE SLEEPING. EATING FISHERMEN'S FRIENDS. COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW BAD FISHERMEN'S FRIENDS TASTE. LAUGHING AT/DEFENDING 'THAT SHIRT'. LOOKING AT THE PICTURES OF BRANAGH ON THE WALL. HIDING/SEARCHING YOUR PENCIL CASE. DOODELING. TALKING ABOUT 'WHAT BRANAGH WOULD DO'. MOANING ABOUT ROOM K BECAUSE WE CAN ONLY 'GET OUR LEARNING ON' IN ROOM D. SINGING/LAUGHING AT THE FALSE LUNCHTIME SONG. ASKING ORHAN IF HE WANTED A FIGHT. LAUGHING AT SOMEONE SNEEZING. BEING AFRAID TO OUR VERY CORE OF THAT SOMEONE. MAKING THE WORDS 'GET OUT' IN DRAWING PINS. DEVISING A SITCOM ABOUT TWO CHARACTERS FROM THE TEMPEST IN A 'ODD COUPLE DYNAMIC'. PLAYING WITH GLITTER. CRYING. SAYING THE WORD 'BYRON' IN A STUPID BABY VOICE. PLANNING TO CHANGE THE NATIONS CURRENCY TO 'PARTY BISCUITS' THEY'RE CALLED ' PARTY RINGS' WE COULDNT EVEN GET THE NAME RIGHT. DRAWING RUBBISH PICTURES INSTEAD OF MAKING USEFUL REVISION POSTERS. WONDERING IF ORHAN'S HAIR WOULD EVER CONNECT UP WITH HIS STUBBLE. RE-WRITING CLASSIC LITERATURE AND THEN LAUGHING ABOUT IT SO MUCH WE'D GET TOLD OFF FOR 'GIGGELING'. ENGAGING IN A FRANKLY RIDICULOUS BATTLE OF WILL AND WITS WITH 'ALLEN'. NOT WINNING. DISCUSSING WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT, MATT SHAW OR A HORSE...

Love is a curious thing.

i think the phrase "i love you" or words to that effect is slightly without meaning anymore. count the amount of times in a day that you hear someone say how much they love something or someone. people seem to be whores with their quotas of love somewhat.
the word seems to have no meaning now. as lovely as it is to hear someone say "i love you" or "you know who i love, _________" it doesn't seem to have the same meaning and mega deal ness that it used to do. like in old films and the like people would only say it as a last ditch attempt and after lots of trials and tribulations. but nowadays if someone dressed well or holds a door open for you or looks interesting in a bank queue or sends you an e-card you get the "i love you" treatment.
i think a new word needs to be invented a word that means more than love, so that people can keep using love in it's now frivolous form but in super special instances you can bust out the big guns and lay a new lovely word on someone. i don't know what it could be or how long it'd take for it to become common practise but i think it'd be good. tirade over.

101 Things to Do Before I Die.

001. watch all 1001 movies in my "1001 movies to see before you die" book.

002. be able to do a backflip.

003. work in a comic book shop.

004. legitimately win a poker game.

005. touch my toes with unbent knees.

006. be able to dance preeety well.

007. watch every alfred hitchcock film.

008. write a decent script.

009. produce a 45min radio show.

010. go scuba diving.

011. meet the cast of "Lost".

012. live on cereal for a month.

013. get a letter published in a magazine.

014. finish a game to 100% status.

015. direct a performance of "harvey".

016. direct a performance of "rope".

017. go to a greyhound race meet thing.

018. have a mega beard.

019. dig a massive hole.

020. beat my grampa at air hockey.

021. meet michael palin.

022. have a "yes man" month.

023. go around the world "m.palin" style.

024. fly a plane.

025. visit america.

026. make a large charitable donation.

027. drive a train.

028. throw a massive mega awesome party.

029. be able to cook a really good 4 course meal.

030. be healthy.

031. make a really cool halloween costume.

032. have an informed opinion on a conspiracy theory.

033. write and publish a comic.

034. be met at an airport.

035. travel more.

036. be impulsive.

037. keep a diary/blog for a whole year.

038. watch every episode of "Lost" in succession.

039. be a zombie in a zombie film.

040. go on a ghost hunt.

041. send a postsecret to "postsecret".

042. make someone else's dream come true.

043. sleep outside.

044. go camping for 2 weeks.

045. learn to ride a bike with no hands.

046. build a tree house/fort.

047. speak french fluentally.

048. see "city and colour" live.

049. learn how to do a skateboard trick.

050. ride in a hot-air balloon.

051. parachute.

052. be clever at history.

053. own original jeffrey brown artwork.

054. make a fake movie trailer.

055. create a superhero.

056. visit japan.

057. own a puppet. like a thunderbird puppet.

058. milk a cow, and like it.

059. get some aircrash investigation on dvd.

060. own all buster keaton and charlie chaplin movies.

061. wear a full tweed suit dealie.

062. properly clear out my clothes and that.

063. have breakfast in bed and then stay there the whole day.

064. take a whole load of pictures.

065. zipline.

066. own/make a miniature village.

067. spend the night in a museum.

068. watch a space shuttle launch.

069. talk to someone about my life totally truthfully.

070. send a message in a bottle.

071. really treat my parents.

072. make a killer hole in one.

073. research my family history.

074. gamble frivously.

075. learn to juggle with three balls.

076. be spontaneous.

077. sing "don't stop believin'" at a karaoke.

078. learn to play a musical instrument.

079. own all the "peanuts" books.

080. oktoberfest.

081. go on an all-nighter.

082. do stand up comedy.

083. take a show to the edingburgh festival.

084. run with the bulls in pampolona.

085. light a fire using sticks.

086. buy a round in a bar.

087. pull off a hoax.

088. set foot on all seven continents.

089. travel india by train.

090. dive in a shark cage thing.

091. surf.

092. participate in burning man.

093. go to disney land.

094. make an impact on someone i admire.

095. leave stuff in library books.

096. get up really early and cycle every morning for a week.

097. get a tattoo.

098. write letters to lots of people.

099. do a john locke and stand in tropical rain smiling.

100. take better care of my teeth.

101. relax more.